Thursday, 16 July 2015

I had a Dream -

So I dreamt that Attention-Seeking Banana Boy (ASBB) read about how Singaporeans rallied to the side of the teenager on the train who was being bullied by an Angmo. That teenager was wearing a t-shirt. "I'm Fucking Special", it declared.

The Angmo apparently disagreed, perhaps because as an Angmo he felt HE was the fucking special one.

(Oh, this post is unlike my usual posts and will feature "fuck" or "fucking" throughout. If this word causes you to flashback to relive the last time you fucked and the unpleasantness that ensued, you should probably stop reading. If you object to the word for religious reasons, this is not a place of worship, and this is not holy scripture. If you object to your young children reading this word, this blog is not meant for small children... or big babies. If you do not like the word, because it reminds you that you are a 40-year-old virgin, there's Geylang. But really, that is none of my business. If you object to the word because you think it's crude and has no place in public discourse, you're THAT Angmo from the train, right?

Anyway, my dreams are rated M, so consider yourself warned. Or advised.)

So (in my dream), ASBB got a similar T-shirt and got on an MRT.

Sure enough (because it is a dream) a HUGE Angmo immediately confronted ASBB and started berating him for wearing a crude, vulgar T-shirt in public.

As the Angmo started to threatened ASBB, a body-builder came to ASBB's defence and told the Angmo to fuck off.

So the Angmo challenged the bodybuilder to a fight, and started to take of his shirt.

Under his shirt was a T-shirt with the words, "Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones, but Whips and Chains Excite me."

(Yes, this dream is a little stream-of-consciousness. Dunno where it might go.)

Cut to Minister of Law K. Shanmugam in an interview, where he speaks about this incident. Oh in the dream, the "K" in his name is revealed to stand for "Kermit". Oh and also, ASBB later makes an allegation that the body-builder who came to his aid tried to molest him, but later retracted his allegation. (You know how in dreams, certain story lines just fill themselves in - you know it, but you don't know how you know it? )

Anyway Kermit (to differentiate the Dream Minister from the Real-Life Minister) was asked about his view on the incident and whether the teenager might have provoked the Angmo with the vulgarity printed on his t-shirt.

Kermit said that what the teenager did was simply expressing his individuality. It may be ill-mannered, or self-aggrandising, and even provocative to some, but confronting, berating, and threatening the teen was not the right thing to do, an immature thing to do, and considering the size and age difference, clearly a case of bullying.

Then the interviewer (who turned out to be Gurmit Singh, because my subconscious is apparently stuck in the 90s), then asked, "but isn't that what ASBB did when he posted a vulgar, expletive-ridden YouTube video provoking Christians and supporters of LKY? How is that different from what the teenager on the train did with his vulgar, provocative T-shirt? "

And then Kermit struggled to give an answer without talking about "Freedom of Expression", and respect for an individual's rights, (Which is when I started to suspect I was dreaming because Minister Shanmugam is so intelligent he would have been able to talk his way out of any paradox.)

Kermit's answer was along the lines of "How is "I'm Fucking Special" provocative of anyone? It would take someone with a huge chip on his shoulder to decide that this self-aggrandising statement is provocative. Or it would take someone with huge kahunas to find someone else's claim of being "fucking special" to be threatening to his self-esteem. Wait. Huge Kahunas? I meant small dick."

(Who knew Kermit could be so crude?)

Gurmit then asked, "So if ASBB wore a T-shirt which read, "Lee Kuan Yew is Fucking Special", Would Singaporeans have a problem with it, do you think?"

Kermit wisely said, "Who knows? The internet community is a strange one."

"Ok, last question," Gurmit said. "If you were wearing a T-shirt that reads, "I'm Fucking Special", and a Huge Angmo confronted you and asks you "What's so fucking special about you?" What would you say?"

Kermit: "I'd look him straight in the eye, and say, "you misunderstand. It's your wife who's "special"."

Gurmit: "You are a brave man, Kermit."

Then I woke up.

But you know how when you have a vivid or lucid dream and it's so interesting that you want the dream to go on, and so even when you are awake, you continue lying there hoping you would fall back into the dream and catch the rest of the "show".

Well, I did that, and this next part is half dream/half wishful thinking or dream directing.

So the huge Angmo confronts this skinny little kid with a T-shirt that reads, "I'm Fucking Special" and bellows at the little kid, "What's so fucking special about you kid?"

"I'm a special needs kid," answers, the little kid meekly.

The Huge Angmo's visage immediately softens.

"I'm sorry kid. I didn't know. I shouldn't have said that. Maybe this will help."


The Huge Angmo disappears in a cloud of smoke. And in his place, is HHH.

[I used to have much better dreams.]

1 comment:

The said...

Maybe the name of the Ang Mo's wife is Special.