Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Fallback old age plan

In the news today (Mar 29 2016) was the story that more Japanese Retirees are committing crimes in order to be jailed so that they can free accommodation, food, and medical care.

In other words, elderly criminals are turning Japanese Prisons into Old Folks Homes.

Or put another way, if the govt won't provide welfare one way, they'll end up providing welfare another way, anyway.

And it is not like Japan has a poor welfare system. It is in many areas better than SG's.

So would this happen in Singapore?

How to get state care in Singapore if you have not planned or provided for your old age. 
(Note: Some of these steps are illegal. But hey, if you go prison... free food and lodging!)

(Adapted from the Internet.)

Step 1. Sell your NRIC. Can get maybe $400. Will last you a while.

Step 2. Tell your family and friends not to look for you. Get rid of all personal identification papers including your mobile phone (if you still have one).

Step 3. Find a public phone. Call the police. Tell them that a naked beggar is causing nuisance at your location. Hang up phone.

Step 4. Remove clothes and beg piteously from passer-bys while you wait for the police and/or the beggar squad (TM) to come and pick you up. If this seems like too much work, just go to sleep while you wait.

Step 5. Tell the police/social workers that you have no family, and give them a fake name and NRIC if they ask. Or tell them you can't remember your NRIC number (Important: do not give them any correct information that will allow them to track down your family members. )

Step 6. Be prepared to spend the rest of your life in a welfare home under a different name.

Oh, you should delete or at least deactivate your facebook account, - after all, you can never post there again.

Elaboration for Step 5. When picked up by the police. Ask for food and drink. If you like, be specific (e.g. Rojak and Tiger Beer). Ask for food/drink incessantly. Whenever there is a break in the conversation. If asked for your name pick one you like. You can be anyone you like. "My name is Bond. James Bond." It would help if you can obsessively quote lines from your favourite movie - "Do. Or Do Not. There is no try."

Keep things simple. Someone (obviously a FaceBook Addict) asked if it would help if he created a fictional Facebook account for "James Bond" before deleting his real FB account.

While it sounds like a good way to set up a fake ID, this is like having an NRIC saying "This is a REAL NRIC". Firstly, if you are really destitute, is having a FB account one of your priorities? Secondly, I'm not a tech expert, but isn't there some way to determine when and how you accessed and updated your FB status? If so, that could be one way of tracking your real identity down. In any case, a FB account would scream "FAKE" to me.

OK. But they can still track you by your fingerprints!

Well, yes. If they have nothing better to do and they know which database to check against. Yes, your thumb print is on record. So is 3 million other Singaporeans and some foreigners. Unless you are a criminal, there is no urgent need to identify you. If you have never been arrested/convicted, your prints would not be on file as a criminal. And the police/CID won't be able to identify you.

And the office in charge of your fingerprints will never accede to any request for a frivolous check of their database simply for an unknown beggar.

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