Wednesday, 26 November 2014

E-Cownomics - the Singapore amendments

Singapore e-cow-nomics - the amendments

You have 2 Cows. The Government says we need 5. They bring in 3 Pandas. They aren't cows and can't produce milk. So 3 Brahma Bulls are brought in. Right genus, wrong gender. You try to cut your losses by slaughtering the bulls but are stopped - You can't slaughter the sacred bulls.


You want a cow? But you bought a COE. Now you can't afford a COW.


You have 2 cows. Your neighbour has 10,000. He hires workers to look after his 10,000 cows. Some are "Cowboys". They ride horses. The rest are cowherds. They don't get horses. Welcome to Singapore!

The E-Cow-nomics of Singapore through the years:

1950s. You have no cow. Your neighbour has 1 cow. He shares the milk with the whole Kampung. Life is good.
1963. You have 1 cow. Your neighbur has 1 cow. Singapore joins the Federation of Malaya and says, "we should all have a cow!". Life is interesting.
1965. The PM of the Federation says, "Don't have a cow, man!" and kicks Singapore out of the federation. We have 2 cows. Life sucks.
1970s. You have 2 cows. Your neighbour has 2 cows. Malaysians also have 2 cows. On average. Life is not too bad.
1971. We have 2 cows. Actually, one is a bull and has been through NS. The British pull out their military. On hindsight, life then was interesting.
1980s. You have 3 cows. Your neighbour has 5 cows. Malaysians on average have 2 cows. Life is good.
1984. You have 1 calf. LKY says you should have 2. Your cow doesn't know bull. Biblically.
1990s. You have 4 cows. GCT takes over and promises a "kinder, gentler" cowherd. Your cows will know the difference when they are milked.
2000s. You have 5 cows. But you have no place to put them. You can't afford a place for your cows. Life sucks!
2010s. You try to develop a COW app... And get Angry Birds instead. You give your children a cow. They want an iPad. Or an iPhone.
2014. You have an iPhone. It's not an iPhone 6. Your kids want a Samsung.


I believe this is the original post on what I call E-Cow-nomics. Or Two-Cow Economics. You may have seen it or variations of it. Here is a sample (of the original):
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

There are already some Singapore Versions on the net.
SINGAPORE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.
General: You have two cows. Cow-peh and Cow-bu. (From internet. Might have been from an email).
There are some rants on Uncyclopedia, which were not very funny. And it actually attributed the above "Singapore Democracy" to Hong Kong.

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